No Thank You, It is my Duty

Something I have observed here in Morocco is how readily people ask for and give help. In America people pride themselves on being independent and doing things on their own. I have definitely found myself as a subscriber to this philosophy. For me, being in Peace Corps even represents that for me: "look at me! I'm here in a foreign country all by myself; living as one of the most isolated volunteers! I'm Alone!" Well the truth is that in Morocco it is impossible to exist "by oneself," independently. That is not the way this society works. Everyone needs help sometimes and it shows no weakness to openly ask for help and rely on the help of others to succeed.
For example, Peace Corps sent me a bag to be delivered by CTM bus. CTM is a passenger bus like a nice Greyhound but most of their money comes from the items that are in the cargo hold. So the bag arrived-- allegedly, but every time I went to the CTM office to pick up my bag it was closed and shuttered with no sign of life. I thought "this is ridiculous! I'm going to have to stalk this office and wait for a CTM bus to arrive and follow its cargo to the office!" CTMs do not even arrive every day in my town. There is no posted schedule of arrivals either. so I casually mentioned it to my host mother while in the company of one of her friends. Her friend, Wellid, said "oh, it's at the CTM station? Let's go!" When I told him it was closed he seemed unfazed and off we marched to the CTM. When we arrived, with it shuttered, complete with a metal grate, but we walked right past the CTM station and stopped at a metal door around the corner. Wellid, my new best friend, banged on this door yelling "EH! Azziz! Azziz! AZZIZ!" Eventually Azziz emerged looking like we'd woken him up. Wellid explained the situation with my bag. Azziz nodded, marched to the locked CTM station, opened the door and I had my bag -- easy as that.
This whole scenario would have been almost impossible or immeasurably more difficult had I not had Wellid's help. How would I have ever known that "Of course! Go to the CTM manager's home and yell up to his window!" Wellid's response to my million Thank Yous: "la shokran, ela wajib" or literally "No thank you, it is my duty." This really seems to be the truth. Help is readily given and received in a moment's notice.
Another small example of this ingrained hospitality: My host mother, her friend Fattiha, and my two younger host sisters went on a long walk that took us out of town. We'd walked probably about 4 kilometers and the girls got thirsty. So Fattiha saw somebody outside their home and said "hey you! Give us some water!" There was no "please" or "sorry to bother you but..." and the man nodded, went inside, and came back out with a glass of water.

A jogger in the states would have to be near death to ask for water from a stranger.

And if ever a "thank you" is even uttered, the response is inevitably "no thank you, it is my duty" -- although, "please" and "thank you" are seldom used. For example, my old host family would chuckle at me when I would say "Thank you" for pouring me tea, or handing me something. When I asked my language and culture facilitator about this he said that no thank you is required because maybe this time they're in a position to pour you tea, but next time, when you are in a position to pour tea, you will. That is a fair exchange and no pleases or thank yous are required. It's comforting to know that when I am (occasionally) a helpless American that there are many who have no qualms about helping me. It is understood that when I am in a position to help, that I will.

Table manners and what is acceptable/unacceptable in etiquette will be the topic of the next blog.