It has been a while since I posted because I've been in America and just got back to my wonderful little apartment this morning. I'll blog on that experience when I have had a few days to know how I feel about leaving and then coming back.
What is a site mate? A site mate is the term we use for a Peace Corps volunteer who lives in the same city as another Peace Corps volunteer.
Why do I have one now? At first I told Peace Corps, when I arrived, that I did not want a site mate. This was for a number of reasons but mainly because I wanted to blaze my own trail and do my own thing. I worried that having a site mate would kill my independence. I was fine with being alone. What Changed? Essentially, I figured out how Morocco and I work together, and I discovered, that pairs are better.
Verbal Harassment
When I first arrived here, in my permanent placement in Eastern Morocco, I knew that the verbal harassment would be bad. From the moment I step out of my apartment in the morning until the moment I come back inside at night I cannot go five minutes on the street without being whispered to creepily, kissing and/or hissing sounds made at me, sincere/insincere marriage proposals, etc. etc. In addition to that being a daily nuisance, periodically I am hit on/proposed to by men I thought respected me/wanted to work with me/take English class with me, etc. Now, of course, there are GOOD men here too. And I've met them. But they are not the ones hanging out on the street corners yelling at me, or professional men who have my phone number for business purposes and call/beep me constantly for, I assume, non business purposes. Is all of this tolerable? Yes, it's tolerable but tiring.
Basically, what I realized is that my Peace Corps service in rural Morocco will be more effective and productive with a male site mate. As I usually put it: It's difficult for me to be proactive when I'm constantly being defensive.. I'll give you a hypothetical example: Let's say I had an idea about a project to do with an agricultural association. I'd probably pass by the doors of the association 15 times before actually going in to introduce myself...that is if I ever worked up the courage. Why? Because, simply, I walk in expecting either 1. To be disregarded as a woman/foreigner (re: unfriendly response) or 2. To be welcomed extremely cheerfully and later in the conversation be inquired as to whether I "live alone" (the opening discreet question to find out whether I'd be down to have an illicit romance.) (re: overly friendly/insincere response). That creates a kind of anxiety leading to me draggin my feet when seeking out projects/networking opportunities.
So as the reader you're probably thinking "So What, Abby?? Go in there! Show them that you're serious and want to work and make them see you as a human being and not just as the opposite sex!" But, I'm telling you-- it's not that easy. Sure, I would have said the same thing but after a year of enduring the same behavior from so many men here over and over again it really does wear a person down. It bears repeating: It's difficult for me to be proactive, when I'm constantly being defensive. So when I finally admitted to myself that I had been defeated, so to speak, was when I sent peace Corps an email requesting that with the new cohort of trainees, I be assigned a male site mate. They responded positively and after much searching for a host family, we found one and at the end of November, my beautiful new site mate arrived.
INTRODUCING!
Hubbell M.!
Name: Hubbell M.
Age: 27, days away from 28
Zodiac Sign: Capricorn
Profession prior to Peace Corps: ESL teacher
Hobbies: Kung Fu, runnning
Likes long walks on the beach
I only got to know him for about 3 days before I left to Miami for my brother's wedding but my impression is that he is an up-beat, positive, and ambitious guy who is ready to get his feet wet. That is the best attitude to take in to a situation like Peace Corps/Morocco.
It's not all about me: How does our site benefit from having Hubbell here?? The better question is how does our site NOT benefit from having Hubbell!? For 10 years now PC volunteers in this city have been girls. So the girls of Bouarfa have certainly benefited! We get to create special friendships and relationships with so many girls and their families. The culture of Morocco is incredibly guest-oriented and not a day goes by that I don't have a standing lunch/tea invitation from many of my lovely female students and neighbors. The relationships I've been able to make with women here have been worth the disappointment of not being able to make equal friendships with men (tried...failed... ) But, while this is wonderful and important, that leaves a whole half of the population here neglected. The "chebab" or teenage/early20s males do not have the same opportunity, which is truly a shame. The cross-culture opportunities created by the "chebab" being friends with a male volunteer are endless.
Our site is now more complete, having both a female and a male volunteer. I also believe that this should be a standard practice for Peace Corps/Morocco, if they have the personnel to fulfill it.
Hubbell and I are going to have a wonderful year together full of independent activities and hopefully some collaborative "GAD" activities ("Gender And Development" formerly known as "WAD" "Women And Development." Changed for good reason!) And, inchallah, some collaborative activities that are not GAD related.
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